From the Publisher
Attached Are you Anxious, Avoidant or Secure? How the science of adult attachment can help you find – and keep – love Amazon.co.uk: Levine, Amir, Heller, Rachel: 9781529032178: Books
£8.67
| Publisher : | Bluebird; Main Market edition (22 Aug. 2019) |
|---|---|
| Language : | English |
| Paperback : | 304 pages |
| ISBN-10 : | 1529032172 |
| ISBN-13 : | 978-1529032178 |
| Reading age : | 18 years and up |
| Dimensions : | 13 x 2.1 x 19.6 cm |
| Best Sellers Rank: | 3 in Marriage |
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| Customer reviews: | 5,952 ratings |
lesleyb –
4.0 out of 5 stars
Why do we attach the way we do
Great book to decipher how we attach to others. BUT, bear in mind, your attachment style can change due to life experiences. Also, this is just one theory and there are others too. Keep an open mind and look at philosophers in general.. This is not the final word on attachment. It is one theory.
One person found this helpful
Olivia –
5.0 out of 5 stars
A phenomenal book!
Wow! I have just finished this book (which I couldn’t take my head out of!) and I can say that every adult and parent should read this book.As some others have written in their reviews, that they were taught to believe that their needs were fully their responsibility and that you have a problem “if you’re too needy”. A lot of self help gurus online make you believe this too.After reading this book, it shows you that we are biologically wired to have some or at least most of our needs met through another individual. Through learning about both insecure and the secure attachment types, you will quickly be able to see why past relationships didn’t work out for you or why they did. They also give great tips on how to date and improve your current relationship.I cannot recommend this book enough and I will be reading it for a second time now to let the information digest deeper!
5 people found this helpful
NSMedeiros –
4.0 out of 5 stars
relationship must
Read this after separating from my husband.It helped me understand our retationship types better than several other book we read together.I was hoping it would help me heel, but it showed me how to communicate effectively enough to save my marriage.Thanks
One person found this helpful
Lisa Janssen –
5.0 out of 5 stars
Very insightful
I was previously aware that I most likely had an anxious attachment style and I always encounter the same type of (potential) partner – people that do not put as much effort into the relationship or in the dating phase, that do not crave as much intimacy and that seem to pull away at a certain point. I had a very hard time understanding this and was very hard on myself for ignoring red flags, being too needy, always feeling like I need to have the other person reassure me and analysing every little behaviour that seemed inconsistent to me, only to have my bad gut feeling confirmed in the end. If any of this resonates with you, I would highly recommend reading this. It is based on science and research and really gives some great insights into how attachment styles work, what the other person might be thinking and why the dynamics I usually find myself in don’t work – not necessarily to any fault of my own or because I’m too needy. It basically helped me feel better about myself and my needs and I have stopped putting myself down and am instead trying to go into new experiences with an awareness of what I need to communicate and look out for. You can’t control what other people do and how they act and feel, but you can control your reactions to it.
14 people found this helpful
Mrs J. –
4.0 out of 5 stars
Not too Needy
One of the biggest revelation in this book is that the need to be in close relationship is embedded in our genes and such relationships have evolutionary advantages. This need apparently starts in the womb and ends when we die.We are not too needy, Most people are only as needy as their unmet needs. Research indicates that are brains are wired to seek the support of our partner by ensuring the partner’s psychological and physical proximity.Attached is an incredible book that provides a pathway into the tricky and murky world of romantic relationships. It provides a roadmap to navigate this crucial aspect of our lives. It helps to tame the emotional hijacking that accompanies such relationships.
5 people found this helpful
Sansa –
5.0 out of 5 stars
Everyone should be taught this
Very accessible to read and very interesting! I knew a bit about attachment theory from A Level but this was much more in depth and applied. I wish I’d known these things about myself sooner (as a currently anxious attached person)! But I’m hoping to put this book into practice, particularly the part about effective communication.Loved it! Highly recommend!
nahal –
4.0 out of 5 stars
Know your and others attachment style before entering a relationship
I wish I knew about this book earlier… I’ve seen myself as secure though during the years my anxious attachment has peaked through.. read the book it’s going to clarify alot of your/other people’s behaviour..
Kindle Customer –
5.0 out of 5 stars
A must read!
Like a mirror being held up that makes sense of alot! Highly red for all in or out of a relationship.
Amazon Customer –
5.0 out of 5 stars
a must read
This is so enlightening. A must read for anyone in or out of relationships. Extremely easy to read for those who shy away from factual books.
Lorenzo –
5.0 out of 5 stars
This book opened my eyes
Seriously good, everyone should read this book. If you think you don’t have more to learn you are wrong.You can find stuff online but this book will explain a lot better the attachment styles and how they affect everyone and in terms of the relationship. It opened my eyes about the issues in my past relationships and I can now see things more clearly and I can understand what is happening too. Honestly, don’t hesitate to buy.
2 people found this helpful
Amazon Customer –
5.0 out of 5 stars
Deeply fascinating, must read for those looking for love
The problem with a lot of books surrounding psychology is that without real world examples it is just a bunch of words.Attached explains complex ideas and then simplifies then greatly by providing easy to understand relationship situations.A week written and fascinating book.
2 people found this helpful
Just me –
5.0 out of 5 stars
Fantastic book! Buy it.
Bought this books for no particular reason other than I enjoy reading about the mind and how it works. Wow, I did not expect to enjoy or gain as much as I have from it.It’s helped to give me a good insight and deeper understanding of my long term relationship. It’s made me more appreciative of my partner and also helped me to understand other people’s behaviour patterns which makes life much easier.Pro – Single, new relationship, long term relationship, recently separated, previous relationships or what ever situation you’re in I believe anyone can enjoy and learn from this book.Con – if you fall under the avoidance persona you may be left wondering how to improve yourself as I don’t feel there’s much advice for avoidant’s , that being said, it will help you to understand yourself and the other personas greatly.
One person found this helpful
Miss L. –
5.0 out of 5 stars
Really impressed!
I bought this book after yet another repetitive argument with my other half, and I can honestly say it has taught me so much. I am definitely the anxious type, and my partner is secure with tendencies of an avoidant – the biggest one being that he sees dependency as “bad” and that I need to fix the problems myself, as opposed to working as a team, as an anxious person unfortunately I do need reassurance! I honestly couldn’t believe what I had read in this book as it felt so personal to me and our relationship. It has opened my eyes hugely, and allowed us to talk about issues, which I’m hoping it’s only going to mean good things.I think it’s unfair to say that this book is one sided towards anxious – as for every piece on being anxious there is a piece for avoidant too.I hope it helps other as it has me x
2 people found this helpful
Marta Orsini –
5.0 out of 5 stars
life changing
Recommended by my ex (avoidant) boyfriend. Everybody should read it in order to better understand ourselves and others and build meaningful relationships
One person found this helpful
Maria –
5.0 out of 5 stars
Best book I’ve read this year
Don’t hesitate! Get the book, it’ll change your life
Casual reader –
5.0 out of 5 stars
Very good research based book – following the science
Attachment styles and attachment psychology has become a huge branch of psychology over the years since Mary Ainsworth (1970) and Dr John Bowlby started looking at attachments. This book is based on research and research control trial information. It’s pretty solid. Yes, you will hear the problem with avoidant attachment styles and maybe feel a little hurt if you are avoidant. But there is light within this book for avoidant people, ‘attachment styles are plastic’. The book gives clear advice for avoidant people so the help is there too. Yes, you will read negative reviews of this book from avoidant people, that makes sense because as adults the style is sometimes known as ‘Dismissive’.
2 people found this helpful
Kat and Dog –
5.0 out of 5 stars
This book has changed my life
It did not happened overnight. Someone recommended it to me in 2014 and the process slowly started. First I started spotting behaviours consistent with insecure attachement. Slowly. Still got into some traps. But then instead of the exhiliration I felt before, I started getting turned off when I felt someone was sending me mixed signals. Then finally I fell for this amazing guy who treats me with respect and acknowledges my feelings, so that I don’t ever need to tiptoe around things and act out. Sadly, I think 5 years ago I would not have realised that is what true love felt like. This year we are getting married – he just proposed. And I am recommending this book to everyone who wants to listen. I think another issue is that people don’t talk about this enough, as us, the insecurely attached are afraid to be ridiculed, and the avoidant don’t know how. But actually, being insecure has a lot of benefits- we are just incredibly tuned into other people’s feelings and we can spot the smallest signs that things are wrong. It all goes pear shape when we are made to believe that our feelings are wrong, but actually, trusting them and using them to navigate social situations could make us unstoppable. I5s like a super power – we can almost sense someone else’s feelings. How cool is that? Let’s embrace it! I know I did and now I speak up and you know what, most of the time my feelings are right.
227 people found this helpful
Chinelo A –
5.0 out of 5 stars
life changing
Few self development books are unputdownable. This is one of them! I finished it in less than a week and it took that long because I was working. I learnt so much about my attachment style and better understand my behaviour in past relationships. Having finished the book, I feel better equipped to venture into future relationships with more confidence and a trusty toolkit to refer to when in doubt. I highly recommend this book to anyone seriously about having wholesome, satisfactory and secure romantic relationships.
ND –
3.0 out of 5 stars
Good but a bit depressing if you’re an avoidant!
I thought generally this book was really interesting and had some really relatable points in it for all attachments styles at certain points in the book! But I did find it a bit bias towards anxious styles and it felt a little like avoidants were the devil! Painted in a very bad light and not much in the way of advice to improve behaviours. All the anxious avoidant examples were always men being avoidant and women being anxious, what About women being avoidant and men being anxious?
4 people found this helpful
MichelleMichelle –
5.0 out of 5 stars
Happy and grateful reader
If you suffer from anxiety in relationships, I can’t recommend this book enough. It opened my eyes to my own behaviours, behaviours of incompatible exes, and most importantly, the behaviour of my current incredibly stable partner. It gets to the root of the issue and teaches you how to recognise your attachment style and the attachment styles of those around you so you are able to find a relationship that is the right fit for you – or in my case, save the relationship you’re currently in. Once I started reading this book, I couldn’t put it down. I read it from front to back in less than two days! To the authors: thank you, thank you, thank you!
3 people found this helpful
Julia –
5.0 out of 5 stars
Eye opening
I bought this after a very confusing breakup. It has put it into perspective and I have also learnt alot about myself too. I struggled to get into it at first as Im not a big reader but read it all within 3 days when I could. Really want to share this with all my girlfriends they will be amazed! Great book would recommend 100%
3 people found this helpful
H. Akande –
3.0 out of 5 stars
Interesting read
Are you a secure, avoidant or anxious partner?Attached written by Amir Levine and Rachel S.F. Heller, is a study of adult attachment, or the different ways we experience our relationship to intimacy.According to the authors most people fall into one of three attachment styles: anxious, avoidant, or secure.Anxious people want more from the relationship than their date or partner does. They usually experience relationship anxiety but avoid intimacy due to a fear of rejection.Avoidant people are more self-reliant and see intimacy as a threat to their independence. They crave freedom and space. They want to keep their options open.Secure people feel comfortable giving and receiving love. They trust their partners and feel comfortable with direct communication.They’re capable of being content in a satisfying relationshipAttachment styles were initially developed in the 1950s, by British psychologist and psychiatrist John Bowlby who observed the lifelong impact of the earliest bonds formed in life, between children and parents. Psychologists suggested that these attachment styles developed in our childhood, and often mirror our relationships with our parents. Drawing from previous research they developed adult attachment styles to help people in romantic relationshipsEssentially, your attachment style determines how you relate to your partner, which affects how you behave in a relationship, and how healthy, or unhealthy healthy your relationships are, according to psychologists.The book is an interesting read.
Oluwatobi Asekun –
5.0 out of 5 stars
Incredibly eye-opening
Before I read this book, I had heard bits and pieces about attachment styles. However, I was not prepared for the level of insights I received from it. It clarified a lot of experiences I’ve had in my life and it turns out that my attachment style is not what I thought it was.This is a good book to help guide your thinking; to understand yourself & relationships better- it will not fix your problems. That part is up to you.
One person found this helpful
Kat –
5.0 out of 5 stars
Can’t put it down!
This is the book I’ve been waiting for all my life. I usually buy books and leave them to read when I get the urge but this one….from page one has got me hooked. Easy to read, and makes perfect sense. If you’re looking for a straightforward read on attachment in adulthood regarding intimacy and relationships, this is the one!
One person found this helpful
Vanessa SML –
5.0 out of 5 stars
Life changing
This book is really powerful. For someone who knows nothing about attachment styles this book has opened my eyes to the dynamics at play in every single relationship I have had. It has also gone a long way in making me understand that many issues were not my fault but a result of the anxious – avoidant trap. If you don’t already know anything about attachment theory I would literally recommend this book to anyone. It is like a key unlocking so much past emotional pain… and teaching me how to understand my own and others behaviour in relationships. However there are some examples cited which need to be updated due to sounding sexist, for e.g. the ones where the man is hard at work while the woman is anxiously pining for his attention and he manages to calm her down by sending a pre-written text which the authors cite as a cool solution. No that doesn’t cut it in 2021.
One person found this helpful
Charlotte –
5.0 out of 5 stars
Life changing!
I knew I was an anxious attachment style prior to reading this but I didn’t truly understand what that meant or how to overcome this. This book genuinely felt like they knew me and were describing me and my past relationship issues personally. Suddenly all of my previous relationships make sense and I finally understand that it wasn’t my fault when things didn’t work out. I genuinely shed a tear of happiness as this book helped me come to the realisation that I am not broken. It helped to debunk the societal myth that neediness is flawed or embarrassing and that independence is the only desirable aspect in dating. Not only this but it gave useful, clear and applicable suggestions for future relationships and dating. The quizzes and tables included were clear to follow activities that resulted in a roadmap to becoming more secure in the future. There are permanent life lessons that I will keep in mind forever, I feel like a weight has been lifted. Thank you
2 people found this helpful
sonia dawn shields –
5.0 out of 5 stars
Improves self awareness and relationships
I’ve done a lot of work on myself , trying to understand my reactions and behaviours and improve on them. This book gave me new insight and understanding on why I react and communicate in an ineffective way. It’s helped me understand both my partners and my own behaviours so we can work together at a deeper understanding and connection. Very insightful and gives practical advice to implement which improves self esteem and relationships.A must read for all in my eyes
2 people found this helpful
Karen –
4.0 out of 5 stars
Interesting read
We all embark upon relationships that make us question areas of the self and their partner. This book has certainly helped me understand attachment types. However, be aware that not all areas are covered and the examples are exactly this. Life isn’t a bed of rose petals and do your own analysis. Credit to the author, one can not give every example known to mankind but it would perhaps have been if benefit to outline this. The book is a guide and ideas not a life by rules.
Anonymous –
3.0 out of 5 stars
It’s for the anxious, not the avoidant.
I didn’t find it useful personally.The exercises were refreshing as it provided moments of reflection but the book was basically telling everyone to avoid those with an avoidant attachment style & if you are in a relationship with someone with an avoidant attachment style, prepare to make compromises or break up with them. It gave small words of encouragement & advice for those that are avoidant though I didn’t get anything practical.It honestly just made me feel like a bad person for having an attachment style that was likely formed due to past trauma. It made me feel guilty for that.It really focused a lot of those that are anxious. It’s unfortunate.I’d highly recommend finding out your attachment style before reading this book & if you find you are avoidant, don’t get this.
8 people found this helpful
Laury –
5.0 out of 5 stars
Excellent and insightful but didn’t answer all my questions
I loved the book and it really clearly lays out the information so is great for those looking for love or needing to change their dynamic. The only thing missing was any mention of how it links to sex as well as emotional attachment. We spoke about this in my therapist training so I got this book to learn more about it and unfortunately there was no mention at all!
2 people found this helpful
Genevieve –
3.0 out of 5 stars
Issue with pay
I appear to have received a refund for this order, although I received this. Flagging this here as not sure where else to raise this.Great book.
MultiWonder29 –
5.0 out of 5 stars
Everyone should read this book: It will change your life
There’s so many self-help/relationship books on the market, and even more self-styled gurus on social media claiming to be experts… where do you begin? Well, starting with what the science knows about relationships is not a bad start!Building on decades of research, “Attached” explains what we know about human behaviour via attachment theory. If that sounds dry, don’t worry, it’s not.If you’ve ever felt it was difficult to get what you needed from your partner: They send you mixed messages, they make you feel you’re being “needy”, they keep pulling away when you get close? You need to read this book. It will change your life.
8 people found this helpful
Yonni.I –
3.0 out of 5 stars
Not Just For ‘Romantic’ Relationships
This was not the usual type of book I would have read, but it was recommended to read it from the professional development perspective.The book focuses on three main attachment types; secure, anxious and avoidant, and applies these mainly to romantic-style relationships. However, those same attachment styles can be applied to any connection with a little creative licence and internal thought process.Be it business or casual interactions.An easy read and one which most people can take something useful from.
One person found this helpful
Miss H. –
5.0 out of 5 stars
Potentially life-changing
I’ve only just read this book but I already believe it has the potential to be life changing. I knew I was attracted to the “wrong” guys but couldn’t quite articulate or understand in what way. I also knew having been abandoned by a biological parent at a young age impacted on my relationships but again couldn’t quite put my finger on how or what to do about it. I also couldn’t understand why, despite identifying as a strong and independent woman who doesn’t necessarily feel the “need” to be in a relationship, I would get attached and let people get under my skin so quickly. It got to the point where I was avoiding dating/relationships altogether because of the impact it would have on me. The battles I have had all make perfect sense now and what I really like about this book is that it provides a set of practical tools to make more sensible dating decisions going forward.I can see why one might view this book as being slightly biased towards anxiously attached people. However they are clearly more at risk of being or feeling hurt than others. I believe from an ethical perspective producing a scientifically informed yet accessible text that focuses on and is likely to benefit those who are more vulnerable in society should be applauded not criticised. I can’t thank the authors enough.
9 people found this helpful
MousieTung’s mum –
5.0 out of 5 stars
Perfect – and an antidote to all those relationship books that tell you to act in ways you don’t feel
This book is, quite simply, wonderful. As I read it, a feeling of relief spread over me: finally, a book that tells me it’s okay to feel how I feel, to express those feelings, and to concentrate my efforts on people who can reciprocate.Until a few weeks ago, I had never read a relationship book. Then, at random, I came across the “Men are from Mars” book. I basically read it while having nothing better to do at a friend’s house. And it made me feel terrible (don’t start clicking your “not helpful” buttons, this is relevant).So anyway, on speaking to friends about it, I discovered that the advice in “Men are from Mars” is completely standard in relationship books. The vast majority of them (according to these reports anyway) advise that women tend to be needy and clingy, and that men need their space, and that the only way to get a man to value you is to play hard to get, to be unavailable, and basically play a lot of games. I find messages such as these extremely depressing, as they suggest that men and women are fundamentally incompatible, and can only get along together if they pretend to be something they are not.So, what a relief to find this book! This doesn’t categorise behaviour as “male” or “female”; either gender can have any attachment style. What it does explain so brilliantly is why people who have a different attachment style behave so differently from you. And it’s completely non-judgemental – it is extremely reassuring to find a book to say that it’s okay to crave closeness and to need reassurance, just in the same way as it is okay for others to need space. Contemporary culture seems to favour the appearance of independence, and to label those of us who crave intimacy as somehow deficient for not being able to supply all of our own intimacy needs for ourselves. Just having the reassurance that this urge is a natural biological drive, and that it’s okay to admit to these needs, somehow reduces the anxiety, and makes it much easier to understand and respect other people’s boundaries.A really wonderful book. There are not too many books that I would say this of, but it has transformed my view of relationships very much for the better, and changed situations that would previously have resulted in me becoming panicky and “clingy” into ones that I can accept with relative equanimity. Very grateful to the authors for having written this.
55 people found this helpful
Joe –
3.0 out of 5 stars
A good, albeit pretentious book
This book has a lot of useful insights and I’m glad to have read it. It outlines a lot of theories and has some brilliant practical examples of peoples relationships and had some really genuinely fascinating insights into peoples relationships and how they become so easily emotional without giving enough thought to the practical solutions. I think this thing is well worth a read for people both in and out of relationships, no matter what attachment style you have! But let’s be honest, the anxious folks among us have the most to benefit.I would give this book 5 stars if it weren’t for a couple of things. The first is the arrogance of this book. The writers spend so much time giving themselves a pat on the back for this ‘miracle’ concept that they have come up with, it’s actually quite nauseating, and not only is it annoying for a book to spend so much time gloating about it’s own contents, but I don’t think their ‘discoveries’ are nearly as ‘miraculous’ as they claim. They think they’re gods among men for discovering that some people are indifferent in relationships, some people are clingy, and others are chilled out. Big woop guys well done! You’ve made a basic observation of people in relationships! Nice going!The other thing that annoys me about this book is their categorisation, they essentially claim that over 99% of the population fall into one of 3 categories (that I’ve essentially outlined above) and I can think of PLENTY of people who bridge between categories pretty evenly. you can’t categorise 99% plus people into these three categories, they base it on nothing, and it only takes knowing a couple of people to realise that this claim is bogus.
4 people found this helpful
Luca –
5.0 out of 5 stars
genuinely amazing
this book is honestly one of the best things i’ve read in a while and i highly encourage others to read it too. it helped shed so much light on why people behave in certain ways that i found confusing before as well as more clearly define what i should be looking for myself, because near the start of the book there is a little tick-box test to help you find out what attachment style you are: anxious, secure or avoidant, before it then gives advice on all angles for each of these types.if you’re like me and you’re scouring the reviews because you dont know if this is a good book or just a load of BS, take it from me, it is worth the read.
4 people found this helpful
Abu Burhanuddin –
5.0 out of 5 stars
Every couple (new or long established) should read!!
I genuinely wished I had read this before getting married and it is now my favourite recommendation to all. Everyone is suffering some form or another in their relationship and this book and the easy way it is laid out will provide invaluable guidance.Warning though…you may either fix what is broken or walk away to fix yourself… either way it’s analysis is worthy of awards
8 people found this helpful
D –
5.0 out of 5 stars
So good!
From start to finish I loved reading this book.It was very relatable for me and helped me understand previous relationships better from a perspective I had not considered.It explains everything very clearly and is not difficult to grasp.I would very highly recommend this book it has changed my way of thinking for the future.
3 people found this helpful
Georgia –
5.0 out of 5 stars
Interesting read
Bought this for a friend after reading it myself. I found it very insightful and helps you navigate the dating world a bit better by understanding more about yourself but also where others are coming from. The end section that gives tips on how you can break out of your attachment style was really interesting and helpful and helped me be more level and grounded (which I think contributed to me finding a long-term partner).
Joshua Price –
5.0 out of 5 stars
Life changing
This book is so well written and informative, it’s really opened my eyes and changed my life for the better!
Miss Julie Cashon –
5.0 out of 5 stars
Brillant Book
I will keep referring to it until I meet Mr Right. It’s helping me understand that my emotional needs are valid and it’s about meeting the right person who can meet those needs. Love everything about this book and would throughly recommend.
One person found this helpful
Fatima Nasser –
3.0 out of 5 stars
Not for fearful-avoidants
Great book that discusses in detail if you’re an anxious or avoidant person but doesn’t talk about fearful avoidants at all. Also, before labelling yourself an “anxious” do some research as you may not be that.
Michelle Budd –
5.0 out of 5 stars
A must read for everyone
A brilliant book, it allowed me to understand my own attachment style and how it has influenced my life, my relationships. A must read for everyone!
Kindle Customer –
4.0 out of 5 stars
Valuable information here, whatever your personall situation!
This is a really interesting read in lots of ways. It gives a pretty concise and detailed view on how to help make sense of the complications that can arise when relationships break down. It s based on the 1960’s theory of attachment, which basically states that humans are hard wired to attach to eachother, but depending on the early years experience, do it in different ways. It doesn’t judge one way to be better, but it does offer answers as to why some relationships can sink under pressure or committment issues, or why the communication is dysfunctional. Important to know is that it’s fine and natural to be attached and expect attachment to be reciprocal, or to want to be the constant support to a non appreciative partner, as the key lies in understanding what kind of attachment you personally have. Of course there are degrees of influence within this, ie, genes, upbringing, culture,etc, but the different types are really interesting and can explain some conundrums, like why, ironically enough, secure partners carry on supporting insecure partners, even to their detriment, and so on. There’s quite a bit of information here, but much of it is quite progressive and applied to lots of common relationship pitfalls. If you’re interested in trying to take an objective look at yourself, and wondering why stuff ‘s gone really wrong, (again!) Instead of blaming yourself constantly, you might just find a good few answers in here. Not just that, it might be a relief to hear how you can look at emotions in an understandable light. If you’re seeking spiritual enlightenment, this isn’t the book for you….but if you’re wanting an intellectual, rational, and fairly objective view about what’s really behind common relationship crashes, then this is a valuable read with real insights offered to modern problems. It even has some tips on the warning signs ……and more importantly, why we ignore them so often, which again, can be an insight previously unthought of. Also, this book is easy to read. It’s clearly and logically set out, and has some good questions to help the reader think about their own style of attachment, and therefore hopefully gain some practical insights that might just help.
3 people found this helpful
LW –
4.0 out of 5 stars
Good anecdotes and a basic understanding of attachment types
I thought this book would have benefitted from a more scientific approach, but it’s a good start to understanding attachment theory and contextualises it well.
One person found this helpful
Yosimar Mena –
5.0 out of 5 stars
life changing if we’ll applied
This book can help recognise emotional child wounds that are not yet healed and if you use it well, you can begin to acknowledge these wounds and slowly try to heal them over time.It also gives you a healthy perspective about yourself and as a consequence about others.
2 people found this helpful
Tyler –
3.0 out of 5 stars
Interesting but repetitive
It’s a good book, but it repeats the same message multiple times.
Isabella Rowe –
5.0 out of 5 stars
Brilliant book
I wish I had read this book twenty years ago. It explains relationship difficulties and helps you identify how you can be happy.
Mrs K A Jones –
5.0 out of 5 stars
Wish I’d read this sooner
This book opened my eyes to attachment styles which was a whole new concept to me. It made me realise my own and other peoples behaviours and perspectives within relationships and how these can have an impact. It helped me during a break-up to gain more understanding of what may have been the cause, as well as providing a learning opportunity to be more aware in my future relationships.
6 people found this helpful
yunjin kim –
4.0 out of 5 stars
10 for the anxiously attached folks, 5 for the avoidants.
I am definitely the anxious type, reading the book I did learn interesting insights on all three attachment types but, I felt like there’s clearly not enough useful advice for the avoidants, and it just seems to me they either don’t have enough knowledge on the avoidants or the book is just bias in favor of one side. With that said, a great book for the anxiously attached people like myself, it helps you identify all the defensive behavior and gives you solid advice on how to reach/ imitate a secured type of attachment. So, 10 for the anxiously attached folks, 5 for the avoidants. I don’t know if any secure attachment type of people would want to read this.
72 people found this helpful
Charlotte Brown –
5.0 out of 5 stars
A ‘light bulb’ read for anyone anxious in relationships
Parts of this book were like reading from a script of my past relationship. When you have been conditioned to believe (thanks to others insecurities) there may be something wrong with you because you want to be with the person you love a lot and not being with them makes you very sad, this book is the perfect tonic. Reading the attachment types and realising you are quite clearly one and your ex partner the (not so nice) other means it suddenly all makes perfect sense. I wish I could have read this book 5 or even 10 years ago and saved myself a lot of heart ache and wasted effort.
One person found this helpful
Mr. DP HUMPHREY –
5.0 out of 5 stars
So helpful
This book has really helped me to learn about my own attachment style and how my needs affect my relationship and have done in previous relationships. Would recommend to anyone who wants to live a more authentic life. Easy to read and understand.
Lia –
5.0 out of 5 stars
If you only read one book in your entire life then it should be this one
Life changing book! My therapist recommended it in one of our sessions and I can say that I literally recommended as well to everyone I spoke with. I forced all my friends to buy this book as it is eyes opening. Honestly, anyone who was ever been in a relationship or is struggling in one or wants to have one should read it. It would have saved me years of pain. I am happy I found it in the end and it helped me go through a break up, as I realised that some relationships won’t work even if you put infinite effort in. Please read it
2 people found this helpful
Courteney –
5.0 out of 5 stars
Great read!
Really good explanations about the different attachment styles and even if you’re not trying to learn about yourself, it enables you to understand others and how to approach those attachment styles. I feel this is a must read book for anyone who is in a relationship
One person found this helpful
Anna K. –
5.0 out of 5 stars
Opening eyes
The book was easy to read and engaging. In a simple way it explains the difference in behaviour depending on our attachment style. The author teaches us how to recognise different styles and how to become more secure. There are a lot of real life examples that help understand the subject.
One person found this helpful
Karim farghaly –
5.0 out of 5 stars
Amazing
Simple and straight forward
One person found this helpful
JPow –
5.0 out of 5 stars
Hugely important read
I wish I had discovered this book several years ago as it would have prompted greater self-understanding and understanding of functioning in relationships. I was recommended this book and have gone on to recommend it to many other people, who have purchased copies and found it similarly illuminating. It acknowledges the centrality of connection and a much more practical and applicable understanding of attachment theory in adults. It really helps you to understand ‘whys’ of certain behaviours in yourself and others whilst actually making expectations of relationships much more realistic, particularly the pitfalls of the ‘anxious/avoidant trap.
One person found this helpful
Al –
1.0 out of 5 stars
Simplistic, misleading nonsense
Pays lip service to background as a contributing factor to attachment styles but overall message is they’re unrelated to other issues in life and we can simply choose secure partners next time. Waste of time and money.Read Women who Love too much by Robin Norwood instead.
James Lavelle –
5.0 out of 5 stars
The things you wish you would have been taught in your younger years
As a 40 year old man with a string of broken relationships (and some accompanying guilt) with one book I now have a true understanding of who I am, and what my relationship needs really are. Add to that, stepping into a new relationship I can now clearly understand the needs of my partner.We know that romantic relationships are a significant part of our life yet no one taught us how to navigate these relationships. Well ook no further for a comprehensive blueprint! Highly recommend this book. 👌
One person found this helpful